President Bush wants guns back on airplanes...Hooray!

Daddy still talks about the good old days when a man could carry his sidearm onto any old commercial flight he wanted to.

"In those days, we had a fighting chance against terrorists with box cutters," Daddy has pointed out on numerous occasions.

And thanks to President Bush and the Republican Congress, those "good old days" may be returning.

Thanks to the fine work of the National Rifle Association (member since 1991), Congress today passed a bill protecting the firearms industry from massive crime-victim lawsuits.

"Our laws should punish criminals who use guns to commit crimes, not law-abiding manufacturers of lawful products," said President Bush as he prepares to sign the bill.

President Bush went on to say, "For too long, gun manufacturers have been the victims of class action lawyers and litagators out to squeeze every nickel out of law-abiding manufacturers of lawful products."

"Law-abiding manufacturers of lawful gun products should have the same rights as law-abiding manufacturers of any other lawful products such as laundry detergent or automobile tires," the President said.

"If a criminal uses laundry detergent in the commission of a crime — you know, money laundering or some such," President Bush pointed out, "we're not about to persecute the folks at Tide."

When asked if the President could foresee the time when handguns would once again be allowed onto commercial airliners, the President said, "I think the time is right around the corner. What better security is there than 200 passengers, each armed with a Beretta or Colt, ready to shoot some threatening terrorist?"

"I know I'd feel a whole lot safer sitting beside some swarthy foreigner knowing my trusty six-shooter is dangling from my shoulder," President Bush said.

In summing up, the President stated, "There's one thing I learned from Hurricane Katrina. Guns save lives. Not a single American carrying a gun in New Orleans after the storm was raped or robbed. What does that tell you?"