Monday, October 10, 2005

It's time we took credit for the Iraq civil war

Remember, you read about this first right here.

Vice-President Dick Cheney asked me to proofread a memo he has written. (He didn't say it was confidential or anything.) Except for a few misplaced colons and excessive foul language, which I was told not to clean up, the memo is extraordinarily enlightening.

I had absolutely no idea that the Bush administration was purposely creating an environement in Iraq that would lead to civil war and de-stabilization of the entire region. For all who doubted that the Bush administration knew exactly what it was doing, this memo should change your minds, once and for all.

From: Vice President Dick Cheney
To: President Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, C. Rice, Sean Hannity

As it now appears that civil war in Iraq is inevitable, it would be foolish of this administration not to take credit.

F--K the freedom and democracy bulls--t and let's just state categorically that it was always our intention to de-stabilize Iraq and any other Muslim country that f--ks with America.

When President Bush said "Mission Accomplished", he wasn't premature. Our mission to begin a civil war in Iraq was indeed accomplished.

Why a civil war? It keeps those Muslims occupied. They're like children. If they don't have each other to kill, they start looking at us.

So let's look at the positive side of taking credit for the Iraqi civil war.

1. We can now pull our troops out immediately since we actually want the Sunnis and Shittes at each other's throats.

2. We no longer have to put up with that "no WMDs" bulls--t. We'll just say we always knew that Saddam had nothing. Finding WMDs was a red herring. Starting a civil war was always our intention.

3. De-stabilizing the Mideast causes energy prices to rise, which is GOOD! Cuts down on driving which is good for the environment; increases revenue for America's energy companies which is GOOD since it makes our own companies stronger so we'll depend less on foreign energy companies. "What's good for Texaco is good for America!" I think the public will buy that.

4. Because it's a "civil war", we can leave the Iraq mess in the capable hands of the United Nations. (Our base will really like that.)

5. As a foreign policy success, our presence in Iraq was well worth the $400 billion and 2,000 or so American lives.

6. The Democrats in Congress who voted in favor of the War in Iraq will be left humiliated since they voted for something they didn't know was happening.

7. We no longer have to hold hands with Muslim leaders in public.

By the way, if this works as well as I think it will, I'm pretty sure we can convince the public that the administration allowed Hurricane Katrina to destroy New Orleans as part of our Urban Renewal Program.

There are no lack of opportunities to demonstrate that our administration is always planning well ahead.


Post a Comment

<< Home

<%radio.macros.staticSiteStatsImage ()%>