Thursday, October 13, 2005

Harriet Miers — Have God Will Travail

Here's why I LOVE President George W. Bush. He is the first president to make it clear that Christianity counts in America when it comes to picking people for important jobs. No more Ruth Bader Ginsburgs, if you get my drift. And certainly no Hindus or Muslims or Democratic athiests.

Before naming Ms. Miers, the President had her sign the standard Republican Loyalty Oath in which she outlined what she intended to do for Christians, the Republicans and America. Ms. Miers's Loyalty Oath is proudly displayed in the foyer, just outside the Oval Office. He are some of the more interesting parts:

I, Harriet Condoleezza Miers, solemnly pledge to President George W. Bush and Jesus Christ that once confirmed to the Supreme Court, I will undertake the following:

I will have Terry Schiavo's body exhumed and put back onto life supports until the Lord sees fit to awaken her.

I will make it illegal for people of the same sex to touch in sexually explicit ways. For instance, female babies will have to be breast fed by their fathers.

I will lessen the penalties for rape so that rapists have the opportunitiy to take responsibility for the babies that they father in lieu of aborting the blessed little babies.

I will ensure that the Ten Commandments, as amended by the Bush administration, are displayed in all public buildings and schools. Also in schools, the Lord's prayer will be said at the start of every class and when entering the cafeteria and before gym.

I will have the word "evolution" removed from all text books and dictionaries used by school chrildren. In its place, I suggest "Godolution".

I will have 3-day waiting periods for gun purchases outlawed as I am sure Christ would never have waited.

The death penalty will be applied to children 8 years of age and over, thus discouraging young would-be suicide bombers.

Amnesty will be available to all Senators and White House staff who are currently under investigation for campaign funds irregularities, stock fraud and leaking confidential information in the name of doing the Lord's work through Republicanism.

There were some other pledges but they were mostly boring legal comments about the justice system. You can always read them if you take the White House tour.


Anonymous Mosquito Coast said...

You forgot:

"I will require all newborns, on their birth certificates, to be registered as Republicans."

5:35 PM  
Anonymous John said...

I read this when I took the tour earlier today. I found the last item on the list to be very interesting. "I stand ready to assist Jeb Bush, in any way I can, in his bid for the Presidency."

2:30 AM  

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