Ben Bernanke—A good second choice for Federal Reserve Chairman

Ben Bernanke, a former economics professor, was chosen Monday by President Bush to be the next chairman of the Federal Reserve, the most influential economic policy job in the world.

Although most folks in the financial markets seem to be pleased with the selection, Mr. Bernanke was not President Bush's first choice.

That honor goes to Ted (Pencilhead) Spivak, the President's personal accountant. How do I know this? I happened to accidently overhear a discussion between President Bush and Vice-President Cheney.

BUSH:...and so that's why I think Pencilhead ought to be the next Fed Chairman.

CHENEY: Are you f--king nuts? Why would you pick a motherf--king bookkeeper to run the Fed? The f--king markets will drop 5,000 points if you announce that.

BUSH: I did a thorough search. I asked Harriet who she thought might be good and we agreed that Pencilhead is a good Christian accountant who's good with money. Remember that tip he gave us to get out of Bill Frist's family's business.

CHENEY: I'm not saying that Pencilhead can't find his way around a spreadsheet. But the Fed Chairman is the most powerful economist in the world. Pencilhead isn't even a chartered accountant.

BUSH: That's the kind of thing I'd expect to hear from the elites. Pencilhead's got street smarts. And remember, he was the first non-Jew to become director of the Texas Accountancy Association.

CHENEY: But Mr. President, Pencilhead is a dumba-- bookkeeper. He has no experience setting interest rates or fighting inflation.

BUSH: Well, Harriet's got no experience as a judge and she going to be a jim-dandy Supreme Court Justice. Besides, I know what's in Pencilhead's heart.

CHENEY: Mr. President, Pencilhead will be replacing Alan Greenspan. The man is practically a god on Wall Street. Shouldn't you aim a little bit higher than just another friend from Texas?

BUSH: But I already promised Pencilhead something big in the administration.

CHENEY: Hurricane season is almost over. You could make him Acting Head of FEMA until next June and then maybe, Ambassador to Baghdad.

BUSH: Sounds good. Know anyone who might work out over at the Fed?

Sometimes, the best way to judge the quality of a president is by the way he treats the people close to him. And no one treats his friends with more loyalty than President Bush.