What's wrong with "Turd Blossom"?

I suspect the Liberal press simply can't stand it when President George W. Bush expresses himself in ways that make him the most lovable, human president of the 21st century.

Naturally, I'm no fan of the Communist comic strip, "Doonesbury". So there are a million reasons why newspapers should cancel it. However, the reference to Karl Rove as "Turd Blossom" is not one of them.

(For those of you not familiar with Turd Blossom, it's the national flower of the State of Texas, next to the yellow rose. You see, when cows relieve their digestive systems, they leave droppings. Soon flowers grow from those droppings. Hence the name.)

President Bush, when he nicknamed Mr. Rove "Turd Blossom" wasn't suggesting that the Deputy Chief of Staff grew up in dung. Mr. Rove grew up a bastard. But as good Christians, we in the White House can forgive Mr. Rove the indiscretion of his mama.

Turd Blossom suggests that even a bastard baby can grow up to be a beautiful Republican. So you can see, there's nothing wrong with the name that Liberal editors are desecrating by removing from their newspapers.

Of course, being the fun-loving, jovial president that he is, Mr. Bush has nicknames for virtually everyone at the White House and folks who support him.

Vice-President Cheney is "America's Heart Throb". President Bush always offers the Vice-President a Big Mac and fries whenever he walks into a room. Always gets a big laugh.

Mr. Rumsfeld is lovingly referred to as "General Custer".

I'm not sure why, but the President likes to call Condi Rice "Ragtime".

The President calls Robert Novak his "Retarded Secretary for Misinformation".

Rush Limbaugh is known as "Cheech and Chong". I don't get it.

He refers to Ann Coulter as "My Friend Flicka". He used to call her "Lassie".

He likes to call Bill O'Reilly "Charlie McCarthy". Before my time, I think.

The Bush Twins are known as "Roe vs. Wade".

Jeb Bush is known around the White House as "Ballot Box".

The President likes to call his wife Laura, "You're no Barbara".

He calls his Daddy "One-Term Loser".

When he sees me wandering around the White House, President Bush sometimes jokingly calls out, "Hey Monica", but I don't think that's very funny.