Thursday, June 16, 2005

Pentagon Report: Canada is ripe for U.S. invasion

There's an awful lot not to like about Canada.

First off, it's got an entire province devoted to being French. That's a bit too much French too close to America for my liking.

While America remains in a constant state of terror, Canadians are walking around like the world is normal. They don't even have a color coding terror alert system.

Canadian tourists flock to Cuba whereas no American has stepped foot in Cuba since 1960.

The Canadians set up a Conservative Party based on the Republican Party, then put some retard in charge so the party keeps shooting itself in the foot. According to State Department reports, the Canadian Liberal Party has been caught dead to rights with its hand in the till. But Canadians still prefer a corrupt government to a Conservative Government led by a retard — unlike Americans.

Which leads me to a military report I just delivered to Vice-President Cheney.

It seems that ever since the War of 1812, the United States has maintained a game plan for re-invading Canada.

After all, Canada has more than its fair share of natural resources with only one-tenth the population of the United States. Fact is, we could really use all that Canadian oil, natural gas and of course, pure water. (There are golf courses in Arizona that are absolutely scorched while Canadians go swimming.)

For the last 190 years, opportunities to invade Canada have been few and far between. Things looked good in 1941 when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor. We were about to claim that Canada was in cahoots with the Japanese but the Canadians declared war on Japan before the United States did. So that opportunity vanished.

The fact that Canada did not join America in the Worldwide Coalition of the Willing to invade Iraq (although we grudgingly admit they are in Afghanistan) seemed to signal another opportunity to invade our northern neighbor. However, since most of our troops are in Iraq, attacking with military might below full strength could prove to be a mistake.

That is until now.

The Pentagon reports that on May 3, 2005, two Canadian soldiers, both male, married each other at Canadian Forces Base Greenwood in Nova Scotia. It was a "Christian" service that received the blessing of the base commander and base chaplain.

Canada's fighting men are now fighting about who does the dishes and who takes out the trash. Boot camp is now a honeymoon retreat. If homosexuals are guarding Canada, then the country is defenseless.

The Pentagon suggests that America claim that Canada has weapons of mass destruction. We know this for a fact since most of the weapons are ours.

The Pentagon recommends attacking Canada in the middle of the night when the soldiers are most likely to be wrapped up in each other's arms in some kind of disgusting military orgy.

America, get ready for 20 cents a gallon gasoline.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Conservative government led by a retard"
THAT'S Rich!!
"unlike America"
I love it!

I could get fired for laughing at this while I'm at work!


2:48 PM  
Blogger David said...

Nancy Jo, marry me.

3:42 PM  
Blogger Christine Brannan said...

I have seen those golf courses first hand!!! LOL!!!

Onward HO!!!!


5:07 PM  
Blogger Beaver said...

Love the way you describe Canada. You failed to mention an important strategic detail : Marijuana is now legal for therapeutic use.

So the US can now strike while our peace-keeping-trained gay army is stoned !

Only one thing : Canada has a secret weapon ! Can you guess ? Only a Canadian can stay out at
-58F degress. So you guys might need to stock up on Skidoos and Snow suits !

2:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First off, I believe it was two RCMP officers. It just proves that the mounties always get there man. For those Americans not sure what the RCMP are they are out FBI!!!

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thnk you are narrow-minded, befuddeld, consevative slob. What the heck is wrong with the French? And where are your facts or sources? Please don't tell me it is from Wikipedia. You don't have any data or evidence. This is all opinion, and I don't believe a word.

1:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you can't invade Cuba or Vietnam, there is no chance you could invade Canada. Britain will come to help us, and with a little prompting, Russia will come help too.

2:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No point in invading my beutiful country because we plan to annex the USA very soon anyway. We could use another small piece of realestate. We will then properly take over Cuba, mainly for someplace warm to go to for 6 months of the year. Keith W. Canadian.

12:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Every winter the north winds blow Canadian High quality farts to the U.S. and it raises your winter temps by several degrees and what thanks do we get? I think we should send your govt. a bill for heating. Thanks, keith w. again.

1:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is a little known fact that the USA already had marching orders back in the early 60's. US said Tarrif and Canada said turn off the taps. The Russians told the US to backoff or they would be M.A.D.

9:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'U.S. invasion of canada' To see a list of the successful results expected from invading canada press LINK below. keith w. LINK

12:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How many Enemies does the United States want? You already have the majority of the world against you and yet you keep invading countries for resources.

It is Jan. 19/09, Inauguration for Mr. Obama is tomorrow. It will be interesting to see how long it take for some Patriotic American to kill his own President as has been done in years past.

12:15 PM  
Blogger carl said...

douche bag
whats wrong with you?
im french canadian dude, and if u just try to invade my country, which is the best in the world, i will breck yo neck.

u r a total failure.
u r a retard, u suck.

seriously.u r just jealous because we have free health care and education which obviously u didnt had enough,

10:59 PM  

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