Reality TV at the White House

Although I personally find it hard to believe, President Bush's popularity numbers seem to have been slipping a mite.

So a committee has been formed to strategize concepts to enhance the President's poll numbers. The Republicans Advancing Presidential Effectiveness committee is looking at ways to deliver to the American public a true picture of the greatest American President of the 21st century.

One idea I really like is turning the White House into a reality TV program — like the Osbornes but without the cussing (unless Vice-President Cheney shows up).

The problem with this concept, according to a consultant to the R.A.P.E. committee, is that most Americans will easily get bored of a family that goes to church and prays a lot and goes to bed at nine.

One suggestion was to turn Barbara Bush, the President's mom, into the crotchety old White House cook so she can stick her two cents in wherever things get real boring.

In the draft script that I saw, they had Mrs. Bush saying funny things like, "George, if your father wasn't stupid enough to go after Saddam, how'd you get so dumb?" and "George, I just hope when history looks back, it don't confuse you and your father. I don't think his heart could take it."

Also under consideration is "Who Wants to Marry The President's Daughter?" In the pilot, Jenna is arrested drunk at a Chippendale's show (whatever that is) and the President agrees to bail her out of jail only if she agrees to marry a good, Christian Republican. (Log Cabin Republicans..are you reading this?!!)

The show will feature twelve of the most eligible Republican bachelors in Washington who will accompany Jenna to church socials, AA meetings and anti-abortion rallies. Over twelve weeks, Jenna will whittle down the selection to the man she will marry in the season finale.

To get the new family off to a good start, the new groom will get an administration job. Secretary of Defense is the most likely position.

The final concept that I kind of like is "Survivor—Iraq". The entire Cabinet is dropped off in Fallujah and the winning Survivor gets to live. They haven't worked out all the kinks yet but President Bush has already said, "Bring 'em on."