Thursday, July 07, 2005

President Bush prepares to write his autobiography

Now that President Bush is in his second term — the home stretch as Karl Rove likes to say — the President is starting to think about writing his autobiography.

It's not the $10 million dollar advance he cares about. He simply wants the world to know how he evolved from the son of a dirt-poor sharecropper into one of the greatest presidents of the 21st century.

Since Bill Clinton, who had nothing important to say in his long-winded, boring autobiography, sold over 2 million copies in hard cover, it's likely that a popular president like George Bush with his untold military tales, successful business operations and astute statesmanship will be able to sell twice that number. Because his wife Laura is a professional librarian, writing a book should be a snap.

Currently, President Bush is looking for a unique angle.

According to talk in the interns' lounge, President Bush is considering a pop-up book to appeal to a younger readership than most ex-presidents get.

I love the idea.

Imagine a chapter on Pesident Bush's struggle against terrorism and Saddam Hussein. Open up the next page and up pops Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Imagine a chapter in which the President describes his fight against alcoholism and his born-again Christianity. Open the next page and up pops Christ on a Crucifix smiling down on George Bush.

President Bush is also leaning toward a section in which readers can color — for instance, red states and blue states — using Crayons or Magic Markers. He feels an interactive book will bring his readers closer to him. I agree.

President Bush also feels that his readers might enjoy puzzles as part of his autobiography. I suppose there could be skill-testing questions such as:

When exactly did George Bush serve in the military?

Why was it so important to invade Iraq immediately?

Another section under consideration is called "Where's Osama?" It's a really complicated drawing of sheets and towels on laundry lines as well as haystacks everywhere and somewhere in the picture is Osama, dressed in a sheet, a towel on his head, his face looking like a haystack. I think everyone will try to find him.

President Bush can be seen writing his first chapter with a little help from a few staff advisers.


Blogger Christine Brannan said...

Wow. I dont have much to say to that... except perhaps he should consider doing the whole thing in activity book format and make it a standard handout in all Texas grade schools at christmas break (the most christian holiday of all.....) you know sort of like the water safety coloring books... or the smokey the bear forest fire ones... This one can be like... beware of the non God fearing democrats...and have a great holiday because Mr. Bush will be praying for you! (Then he will have a higher circulation AND join the ranks of Santa.. Jesus.. and of course, Mr. Hanky.... children LOVE all of them...)

6:51 PM  
Blogger Beaver said...

Berry berry amusing :)

Thanks for bringing up the level of sarcasm in your posts. Some of your previous postings are just a bit over the edge and actually sounded like people I knew... I did get worried :)

More outrageous is better ! Keep going, Nancy Jo !

2:28 AM  
Blogger Jerry said...

Hey, Nancy Jo, I didn't really read that book by Clinton. It was way too thick. Know what I mean? He wasn't an "action" guy like GW though and probably had more time for thinking about what to put in a book. I bet GW's book won't be thick like that one because I know he can't take much time out to write, seeing as how it takes a lot of time and hard work to protect us from the terrorists. I hope it has lots of pictures, too. You know, come to think of it, I know GW reads The Bible, and that's a really thick book, but then you don't have to read ALL of the parts of it. You can just read the parts that are important. I bet that's what he does.

6:34 AM  
Blogger mark hoback said...

Very funny!

9:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

um, I just love how you keep referring to him as "one of the greatest presidents of the 21st century".. let's just think about that one for a second.. for one, he is the ONLY president of the 21st century! not to mention he is the WORST president we have EVER had!

I sure hope he includes pictures in the book so you guys can understand it! But then again, if he actually writes it himself, then you won't have to worry because it will already be at the second grade reading level.

12:19 PM  
Blogger David said...

This annonymous poster is clearly a liberal Democrat who hates the US and all it stands for. I'd bet that he's posting as anonymous because he really has a terrorist name and doesn't want us to put him in Gitmo.

And Bush is the best president, next to Ronald Regan and Jesus, of course.

2:45 PM  
Blogger Christine Brannan said...

And Nixon... dont forget Nixon!

All hail the Christian Right! (Oops I mean the Republican Party!Wrong cause on the brain for a moment. Praise Jesus. )

5:42 PM  
Blogger Dagger said...

Fuck yeah, God rules!! Hail Satan!! That's your "god" too, isn't it?

I think little Bush's book will be more like a pamphlet. I mean we can only ask so much of the little fella.

7:25 PM  
Blogger Christine Brannan said...

A pamphlet--- But SOOOO much more....

3:23 PM  

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