Americans can look forward to the Year 2017

The White House has already begun preparations for the victory celebration when American troops start arriving home from Iraq in 2017.

Although President Bush will no longer be in office (I feel sad just writing this), we can assume there will still be a strong Republican-Christian leadership in the United States ready to welcome home our troops from their duties in the newly democratic Iraq.

Speaking for the administration, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld told the American public that we will not be fighting the Iraqi insurgency for more than another 12 years. Whew! Some people I know were wondering if there were an end in sight. Well, there is!

Anyway, Karl Rove has already hired a national party planner to handle the details of the returning troops celebration. The party planner, a friend of Mary Cheney and a Log Cabin Republican is very excited and is hoping Cher is still alive in 2017 for a spectcular celebration concert.

Naturally, there will be a victory parade. All those soldiers with legs will get to march. National Guard troops who served 10 years or longer in Iraq will have the honor of marching at the front of the parade and hold up the "Mission Accomplished" banner.

Here's something the kids will really like. The party planner is considering a float with a large cage in which there'll be maybe a dozen prisoners from Gitmo. With them wearing their orange suits, they should add a lot of color to the proceedings. (If Osama bin Laden is captured by then, he could have his own float, perhaps being force fed pages of the Koran.)

The party planner wants all towns and cities to have their own simultaneous fireworks displays to celebrate America's victory. However, Homeland Security has concerns that terrorists will use the opportunity to light biological cherry bombs and nuclear sparklers.

Naturally, America's troops will be entitled to a lot more than just a high five and a parade.

For instance, the administration is already ensuring that every member of the Armed Services will receive a Social Security Private Account with $100 deposited into it to get them started on their retirement financing.

As well, military personnel will received enhanced medical benefits. They will be given special permission to purchase their drugs directly from Canada.

And most importantly, the administration is already planning a memorial wall containing the 14,000 names of soldiers who are predicted to die fighting for Iraqi freedom.

I only pray that President Bush is still alive in 2017 so he can personally unveil the memorial and smash a bottle of champagne against it.