An apology to all Muslims

That liberal Newsweek sure screwed up. What were they thinking when they reported that U.S. interrogators flushed the Quran down the toilet.

Even if it were true, the editors ought to have known what would happen among those hot-tempered, uncontrollable Muslims once they heard how their God's Holy Book was desecrated.

We in the West have to understand that Muslims are basically a backward people, really just children who are easily stirred up into a frenzy any time they are insulted. It's in their blood. They're like Latinos. They can't control themselves like us Westerners.

Now, as Americans we don't want to be condescending to Muslims. But someone ought to have known that a single sentence in a single magazine could be used to stir up a firestorm among people of a lesser god.

(When I say "lesser god", I don't mean to disparage the God of Muslims. I'm sure He's an adequate God. It's only that their God tends to provide them mud huts, a camel and a couple of goats while the Christian God provides spacious homes, SUVs and big screen high-definition TVs, not to mention military might.)

I can only hope that this episode serves as a lesson to the media. We in the Bush administration always check our facts before we move ahead. For instance, we checked to see if Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. When we realized they didn't have WMDs, we knew it was safe to invade. American lives are important to this administration.

So to all Muslims, please accept the apology of all Americans. From now on, you'll no longer hear about any abuse.