In Waco with Lay and DeLay

Over the weekend, I went home to Waco for the first time since I became a White House intern. It was a heck of a good reunion.

RickBob, my lovable but sadly retarded brother, had just been released from Guantanamo Bay, so it was a sort of homecoming for him too.

The Justice Department after several weeks decided that mentioning the United States Constitution during an FBI interrogation should not constitute a crime. So RickBob was sent home to Waco on a private charter plane that according to my dumb brother went via Kosovo, Baghdad and Kabul. I think RickBob just got on the wrong plane.

The big treat of the weekend was a big family and friends barbeque. When Republicans get together, you can bet there's going to be plenty of pork.

Ken Lay arrived in handcuffs and that got a big laugh. I feel mighty sorry for Mr. Lay because so many Americans think he had something to do with the downfall of Enron and I just know he didn't. People are accusing him of stealing billons of dollars. I've known Mr. Lay all my life practically and he's just not smart enough to do what he's accused of.

People expected him to know the accounting at the company was bad. From my experience, Mr. Lay would have been too darn lazy to be looking at all the accounting. It makes no sense for him to have known what was going on since he spent so much time vacationing and all. When you're earning as much as Mr. Lay, you just don't have the time to be in the office. Spending millions is very time-consuming.

You know how I know Ken Lay is innocent. Daddy and Mr. Lay are good buddies. But while half of America was scrambling to invest their hard-earned life-savings into Enron, Daddy never invested a plug nickel. He used to say, "Kenny makes your brother RickBob seem like Alfred Einstein. If Kenny's in charge, Enron is just roadkill waiting to happen."

I hope Mr. Lay isn't found guilty but as Daddy says, "Worse comes to worse, there's always a presidential pardon. It's not as though Kenny didn't buy himself some loyalty from Dubya." I'm sure President Bush would give Mr. Lay a pardon since he is a compassionate conservative.

Another close family friend at the BBQ was Congressman Tom DeLay, Sugar Land's finest. He was telling some awfully funny stories. It seems he goes up before the House ethics committee so often, the House has created his own personal ethics committee. Only Republicans need apply. That got a big hoot.

Congressman DeLay was also collecting contributions for his personal charity, Celebrations for Children Inc. Uncle Wilbur, as he was handing over a check for ten thousand dollars, asked the Congressman which children were helped by his charity. Mr. DeLay said, "My children." That got a real big laugh.

Anyway, it was nice to be back in Texas with real down-home Americans.