Saturday, March 05, 2005

Let's count our blessings

There is so much negativity in the press and among liberals. Let's stop a moment, put things into perspective and count our blessings as Christian Republican Americans for Peace (C.R.A.P.).

Through pinpoint accuracy of our Cruise Missiles, America destroyed all the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. The world is a safer place.

Since President Bush declared "Mission accomplished," fewer than 1,300 U.S. troops have died keeping the peace in Iraq. Heck, that many Americans are murdered each month, just with hand guns.

The right to bear arms remains strong in America. (Keep your NRA membership up to date.)

We've pushed Syria into ending its occupation of Lebanon. No longer will an Arab country be occupied by another Arab country. Let's leave occupations to the experts, as Don Rumsfeld said on the Jay Leno Show the other evening.

Our missile defense program will ensure that no missile fired from Canada or Mexico has an opportunity to reach Kansas City.

Our color-coded security system makes it virtually impossible for terrorists to attack the United States without us first being warned about it.

There are all kinds of wild reports that President Bush is building the largest deficit in U.S. history. Although I am hardly a Buddhist, I have learned one thing from those Orientals. Live in the moment. And right now, in this moment, Americans are enjoying fantastic tax cuts. If I actually earned any income, I would be real pleased.

Once Iraqi oil is flowing without those annoying insurgent interruptions, those grateful Arab folks will do their part to help pay off our debt. Count on it.

Social security is about to be fixed. The solution was so simple that only President Bush could see it.

Although old people who belong to AARP support gay marriage, they are too old fortunately to have more children and propagate their homosexual urges.

The Lord in His infinite wisdom, sent the Tsunami away from the shores of the United States.

And finally, unlike the left-wingers, we have no need to rant and vent in idiotic blogs.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Mosquito Coast said...

Excellent reductio ad absurdum! I hope you persist. Best wishes.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Mr. Natural said...

GOOD STUFF!

7:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YOU GO GIRL, C.R.A.P. IS RIGHT...I THINK HUNTER THOMPSON MIGHT BE CHUCKLING RIGHT NOW..I LIKE YOUR NANCY JO VERSION OF GONZO JOURNALISM!!!!

8:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this supposed to be funny, because it didn't produce one smile from me. I'm bored already.

11:59 PM  
Blogger Stephen said...

:)

3:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Over the last two years I've been involved with an anti-war activist group. I like supporting non-violent action yet struggle with the heavy, slanted politics. Politics corrupts for sure whether your politics is left/right, liberal/conservative. When we become too opinionated our are minds close. Extremes cancel themselves out. And what we end up with is an inability to progress. This is true of the anti-war movement. It didn't stop Bush from invading Iraq, nor will it really influence government policy.
The best we've been able to accomplish is being able to say "I told you so." But even that didn't last. With phony elections and phony democracy in Iraq slillfully marketed to Americans as a success we're even being cheated out of that.

4:02 PM  

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