The Robert Novak Scholarship for Cooperative Journalism

One of the perks of being a White House intern is that there are a number of scholarships I can apply for when my tour of duty on Pennsylvania Avenue is over.

The Karl Rove Politics Scholarship is designed for interns who wish to study at Bob Jones University and major in push-polls, whatever they are. The curriculum uses a lot of case studies like, "During the 2000 Primaries, were South Carolinians more or less likely to vote for Senator McCain over Governor Bush when they learned McCain is father to a black
baby?" I'd be curious to know the answer to that.

The Dick Cheney ROTC Scholarship is designed to honor the Vice-President's personal commitment to military service. There's also the Dick Cheney Medical Scholarship awarded to an intern intending to study medicine with a specialty in cardiology.

The John Ashcroft Black Studies Scholarship was created for white interns who wish to major in Black Studies. Currently, it is the best-endowed scholarship at the White House since money has never been withdrawn.

The President Bush Junior College Scholarship is designed to give an intern the same kind of education the President received without having to go to Yale and Harvard.

Folks who have been reading my diary tell me I've got some natural journalistic instincts. So I'm pretty interested in studying journalism. Fortunately, the White House has just introduced the Robert Novak Scholarship for Cooperative Journalism, named in honor of the administration's most cooperative journalist.

If I get the Novak Scholarship, I'll be studying subjects like:
-How to turn talking points into my own viewpoint;
-How to find the news story in a press release;
-Why journalists should always cooperate with Grand Juries; and
-TV punditry - It's better than working for a living.

I expect the competition for this one to be fierce. I heard Jeff Gannon may be teaching a course.