Scooter Libby is lucky to be alive

I can tell you, there are more than few folks here at the White House who are peeved at Scooter Libby.

You might remember that Mr. Libby was recently indicted for obstruction of justice in the Valerie Plame case. So to save his own skin, Mr. Libby has been going around saying that Vice President Cheney encouraged him to leak confidential intelligence to reporters. (If this were true...and I'm positive that it's not...Vice President Cheney would be impeached or sent to jail.)

Like I said, most of us are angry at Mr. Libby's disloyalty but not Vice President Cheney.

In fact, Vice President Cheney still likes Mr. Libby enough to invite him to social gatherings. Just this weekend, Vice President Cheney invited Mr. Libby to go quail hunting. I heard some details from Trish, my co-intern, who in turn heard it from one of the Secret Service agents on the Vice President's detail.

It seems that Mr. Libby had never been quail hunting before. "Just wear this yellow jacket with the big red circle on the back," the Vice President told Mr. Libby before they left for the quail blinds.

"Isn't this jacket a bit too bright?" Mr. Libby asked. "Won't the birds fly off when they see it?"

"Just wear the f--king jacket," the Vice President said. "Don't you think I know what the f--k I'm doing?"

When the hunting party got into the brush, the Vice President told Mr. Libby to stand out in the open because when you're quail hunting, that's the safest place to be. (It sounds a lot different than all the kinds of hunting I know about.)

"Wouldn't it be safer if I stood behind a tree or something?" Mr. Libby asked.

"No you idiot," the VP replied. "The quails come out from the trees, so that's where we'll be shooting."

"Do I get a gun or something?" Mr. Libby asked.

The Vice President turned to a Secret Service agent and said, "Give him your service revolver."

The agent was dumbstruck. "Sir, I can't give someone my revolver. Besides, you can't shoot quail with a pistol."

"I'm sure Scooter is a terrific marksman," the VP said. "So give him your f--king gun."

The agent reluctantly handed over his gun to Mr. Libby who held it like it were a poisonous snake.

"Happy now?" the Vice President asked Mr. Libby. "Now go kill a f--king bird."

Mr. Libby was standing out in the field as the Vice President and others in the hunting party started shooting at quail. I believe Mr. Libby didn't even know how to release the safety on his gun and he just stood there in his yellow jacket with a big red circle on the back.

After a while, Harry Whittington a Texas lawyer told his hunting partner that he was going over to speak with Mr. Libby.

"That boy represents a big payday for the right law firm," Mr. Whittington was supposed to have said. "I'm going to see if I can't get his business."

Just as Mr. Whittington walked up to Mr. Libby from behind and tapped him on his shoulder, the old lawyer was accidently shot by the Vice President. It seems that Mr. Whittington is okay and Vice President Cheney feels real bad about it.

But wouldn't it have been ironic or a big coincidence or whatever if the Vice President had shot Mr. Libby? I don't suppose Mr. Libby will be going hunting anytime soon.

Anyway, I heard that to make it up to Mr. Libby who is still a bit shaken, the Vice President wants to take Mr. Libby deep-sea fishing on his boat. Just the two of them.