Al Qaeda plans to ruin Thanksgiving...and what we plan to do about it

Perhaps you've already heard.

Ducks in Canada that will soon be migrating (illegally) to the United States are infected with Avian Flu.

The Department of Homeland Security believes that as part of Al Qaeda's bio-terrorism, the terrorist organization is infecting Canadian birds with the flu that will likely lead to a pandemic. (This is all part of a Homeland Security report just delivered to the desk of Vice President Cheney by me.)

The idea behind the Al Qaeda operation is for the infected Canadian ducks to infect patriotic American turkeys, ready for the Thanksgiving slaughter. After Thanksgiving, millions of Americans will come down with the flu and be too weakened to fight terrorism.

Homeland Security is recommending that the United States begin an Anti-Avian Ballistic Missile program. The AABM program will be designed to shoot down any birds flying across our northern border. It is expected that development of the program may take as many as 10 years and cost about $250 billion.

However, Americans will once again feel safe eating their Thanksgiving turkeys.

In the meantime, the administration is considering recalling our troops from Iraq to defend our northern border against Al Qaeda-infected Canadian birds.

Although the Bush administration would hate to leave Iraq without total freedom and democracy in place, defending American turkeys from Avian Flu is now our #1 priority.

(This Thanksgiving, I'm saying thanks to the Lord by eating lamb chops.)