Wednesday, January 11, 2006

NSA Spying? Eavesdropping on Americans really works!

For some reason, the media has been all over President Bush for his pro-active approach to stopping terrorism. Some folks are saying it's wrong for the President to authorize eavesdropping on U.S. citizens without a court order.

I'd like to set the record straight on just how effective the President's program has been.

The other day, I got to chatting with Jenna Bush. (She's way prettier in person than she is in all those photos where she's coming out of bars late at night.) Anyway, we got onto the topic of boyfriends. (I'm still attending meetings of the Log Cabin Republicans but I've yet to meet a boy who wants to ask me out. It's a little discouraging.)

Anyway, Jenna said she had a boyfriend, who'll remain nameless, who she suspected of cheating on her. So Jenna went to her Daddy, the President of the United States, and said she wanted a wiretap placed on her boyfriend.

The President said he can't just place wiretaps on anybody. Wiretaps are for American citizens who are suspected of having a terrorist connection. So Jenna told her Daddy that her boyfriend's grandmother on his father's side was Irish.

"So you think your boyfriend is connected to the IRA." the President said. "Okay, I'll get the National Security Agency to start surveillance right away."

The NSA tapped the boyfriend's cellphone and his email. Since the boyfriend lived with his parents, the NSA also tapped his parents' phone lines.

According to Jenna, after three or four months, the NSA determined that while the boyfriend did not have any serious terrorist links, he was in contact with another woman, suspected of being a Democrat.

Jenna broke up with her boyfriend before he could break her heart. So the eavesdropping did its job. But there's more.

The boyfriend's email showed that the was cheating on some of his school assignments. The NSA was able to have the boyfriend expelled from his college and notifications have been sent to all other universities and colleges in America not to accept him.

As well, wiretaps on the boyfriend's parents' phone indicated that his father had not declared all his income last year. The IRS has seized the family home for payment.

When Jenna finished telling me the story, I felt so much safer being in America.


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