National Brotherhood Week can stop the Iraqi civil war

President and Mrs. Bush recently celebrated another Black History Month at the White House by inviting Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice to lunch to share a table with Vice President Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld who have been named honorary African Americans by the Republican Black Caucus.

(For some reason, quite a number of contributors and other Republicans invited to the lunch to celebrate Black History could not attend, so we interns were invited to fill a couple of tables.)

The President and Secretary Rice discussed issues that affect the Black community such as why there are so few films with Black people in positive roles. As the President pointed out, "Why couldn't an African American person play Capote? Why couldn't Chris Rock star in Brokeback Mountain instead of that Australian foreigner?"

The discussion then moved on to how much better things have gotten for minorities and the previously disenfranchised in America. The President used his administration as an example.

"I've got high-ranking African Americans." He pointed to Secretary Rice. "I've got high-ranking women." He pointed to Secretary Rice. "I've even got me high-ranking intellectuals." He pointed to Secretary Rice. "I've got high-ranking people of suspicious sexual orientation." He didn't point to anyone but I could swear Secretary Rice blushed. "It's this diversification that keeps me in touch with the American public," the President said.

Because the Sunnis in Iraq had just blown up an important Shiite mosque and the Shiites were starting to retaliate, there was some talk at the lunch that civil war in Iraq was just around the corner.

The President turned to Secretary Rice and asked, "Is Iraqi civil war inedible...ineverable...iniligible?"

"Do you mean inevitable, sir?" Secretary Rice asked. "It doesn't have to be inevitable," she said, "if we think outside the box."

"What box are you talking about?" the President asked. "Because I usually think inside the Oval Office which ain't box shaped, it's more football shaped so are you asking me to think outside the football?"

Secretary Rice said, "I'm just saying that we need creative solutions to deal with the Sunnis and Shiites who distrust each other."

"I've got me an idea," the President said. "Remember when black folk and white folk in America didn't get along? You know what changed it all. National Brotherhood Week. During that one week a year, white people and black people made a real effort to get along."

"I suppose," said Secretary Rice.

"Why don't we introduce National Brotherhood Week to Iraq?" said the President. "We could have posters showing Shiites and Sunnis shaking hands and smiling at each other. We could have essay contests in schools where the children write about things that Sunnis and Shiites have in common — they both hate Kurds. I'm sure they have other things in common too."

"They both hate the United States," Vice President Cheney piped up.

"I'm willing to sacrifice America's popularity if it brings Sunnis and Shiites together as brothers," President Bush said. "Let's get cracking on getting those people to bond so that some day Iraq will be just like America and the Shiite government will find a place in their cabinet for a Sunni woman."

I could have sworn Secretary Rice blushed.