Muslims are getting riled up about American TV show

I just delivered a stack of CIA reports to the President's secretary. Its seems that imams and mullahs and ayatollahs all over the Muslim world are getting set to drive their people into another insult frenzy.

According to the CIA reports, Muslim leaders realize they can only occupy their people's attention with cartoons for about a month. After that, the folks who generally hang out in the streets return to their hovels to watch TV: generally Al Jazeera and their favorite game show, What can we blame on the Jews?

So Muslim leaders got together at a resort in Abu Dhabi last weekend to figure out some other way they've been insulted by the West. After an all-day session, the Muslim leaders couldn't agree on anything disrespectful. A few were in favor of starting riots over the word "ham" since ham appears in the name Mohammed and Muslims are against ham. But since "ham" also appears in Abraham and the Jews don't get insulted, the Muslim braintrust didn't think the disrespect was sufficient for a full-out riot.

That night, it turns out that one of the ayatollahs was in his room watching TV — a rerun of the 1960s program, Mister Ed. Although I've never seen it, the report said the show was about a talking horse named Mister Ed.

At the next session of the "How We've Been Insulted Conference", sponsored by Shell Oil, the ayatollah stood up and said that he knew how the West had insulted the Muslim world.

"Mister Ed," the ayatollah stated. There was no reaction in the room.

Then the ayatollah said, "Don't you see, it starts with "M" and ends in "Ed", just like our Prophet Mohammed. The Jews in Hollywood, America compare our Prophet to a horse."

Then the others in the sessions all started shouting in agreement. "Of course." "Absolutely." "How did we not see this at the 1964 Emmy Awards?"

Muslim leaders returned to their home countries armed with DVDs and posters of Mister Ed and will probably begin protests and riots after Spring Break.

I have no idea what the United States can do to counteract this but I trust President Bush will come up with a plan. After all, he knows horses.