Big Spending in the Big Easy

Last night, President Bush gave a speech from the heart of New Orleans. He pledged that America would do all it can to rebuild the city, even if it costs $200 billion.

You might have noticed the President didn't give too many details. This morning, I happened to be doing some photocopying for Vice-President Cheney and noticed he's already got a great proposal for remaking New Orleans.

Here are few of the highlights from the VP's Big Spending in the Big Easy:

"More Tax Cuts for the Weathy—By cutting taxes for the rich, more money will trickle down to the poor of New Orleans. For instance, rich people will have more discretionary income to purchase CDs of New Orleans jazz musicians. With every CD purchased, a jazz musician will have another dime to help the recovery of the local economy, i.e., shopping for groceries and hiring a bulldozer to knock down his former hovel."

"Reducing America's Bureaucracy—As we all know, Wal-Mart was able to get emergency supplies to the victims of Huricane Katrina while FEMA bureaucrats were still picking their butts. Instead of taking the blame for FEMA's inefficiency, this administration should do away with FEMA totally and hire a private contractor to take over the duty of rescuing people and property after a natural disaster. I suggest Halliburton receive a short-term contract (no more than 15 years) to see if this plan works."

"Tax Credits for Middle-Class Homeowners—A lot of New Orleans residents live in nice homes on high ground where there was no flooding. Many of these homes are very valuable, i.e., million dollar mansions. Because of Katrina, their property value dropped. The federal government should provide these residents with a tax credit equal to the loss in market value of their homes."

"Taxing Hybrid Vehicles—We don't want to be perceived as tax-cutters only during a disaster relief situation. So we should look at areas where adding taxes might be appropriate. People who drive hybrid vehicles use less gasoline thereby depriving the American and state treasuries of needed revenue from gas taxes. We should therefore add a tax on the purchase of these vehicles. We could also tax people who use solar power in their homes and drive up the cost of utility power."

"Maintaining High Lumber Duties—There's going to be a lot of rebuilding going on in New Orleans. By keeping the duties we charge on Canadian lumber imports high, everyone wins. The Treasury makes a lot of money. The cost of rebuilding homes in New Orleans will be high so that when each home is finished, it will have a high market value."

"Free Tuition—Students who were supposed to attend Tulane University no longer have a place to go to school. The administration can offer to pick up the tuition of those students who wish to attend a Bible College of their choice such as the DeVry Evangelical Institute."

With so many good ideas coming from the administration, New Orleans ought to be up and running within a matter of weeks.