Thursday, September 15, 2005

George Bush has an ungrateful brother

Here's somethig interesting you may not know about President George Bush. He's been so busy running the country and personally leading disaster relief that he's never had time to learn how to use his email. I think it's kind of cute that the leader of the Free World still needs his secretary to print out his personal emails so he can read them.

This morning I found one of those emails lying on top of the trash bin waiting to be shredded. It was an email from one of the President's brothers. (Because of my oath of confidentiality, I won't say which brother—Neil or Jeb—sent it.)
When I read it, I was shocked. I know there's no way I would invite that brother to Thanksgiving or Christmas ever again.

Here's the email:

Dear Turd Face, (I guess that's the President's nickname inside the family)

What the f--k's wrong with you Georgie?

Are you f--king my chances to become president because you're still jealous I got the better wife?

I always told Dad that once you got into the White House, the country would never elect another Bush. I said you were an idiot but Mom said, "Give Georgie a chance. He's bound to succeed at something." And now my chances of ever becoming president are going down the drain faster than water being pumped out of New Orleans.

Because of your lazy-assed stupidity and incompetence, I could end up being (title deleted for confidentiality) of this southern-fried-Jewish-retirement-home-state for the rest of my life.

Didn't I tell you to appoint someone to head FEMA who actually knew what to do in an emergency? Didn't I tell you that Brown panics if his sink leaks?

But no. You said "What are the odds of anything really bad happening twice in one administration?"

It's starting to seem to me that you are the unluckiest president America has ever seen. I mean, what are the odds of invading an Arab country and NOT finding weapons of mass destruction? What are the odds of that Pat Robertson praying for vacancies on the Supreme Court and two show up — both conservative justices? What are the odds of America's biggest natural disaster striking exactly when the president is on vacation? Although in your case I guess the odds were 50-50.

You've got the high ground on all the popular issues. You're anti-abortion, anti-gay marriage, anti-stem cell research, anti-evolution, anti-education, anti-poor people (which is not the same as anti-poverty as you seem to think) and pro-prayer. Yet your popularity is lower than an cow's udder than hasn't been milked in four days.

I'm feeling like I'm going down with the Titanic.

Georgie, pull yourself together. I realize you didn't count on getting elected for a second term. But at least pretend you're interested in being president.

People are watching you but they're judging me on how you do your job.

Stop screwing up my future.


Blogger Christine Brannan said...

I knew that is what he thought of him....

7:08 PM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

With Jeb at th helm, we're all going down.

11:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This blog is either a satire, or it has been hacked. In either case, it's in my bookmarks now. Great job.

6:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW! How did they ever let you post this on this site (especially something so personal), and it's amazing that you got the entire thing word for word. I mean the context of the message is sad but true for the most part, but come on, I don't think that the President is to blame for everything mentioned in this letter.

12:19 AM  

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