Wednesday, August 31, 2005

God working in America

As most of you know, I'm a graduate of the DeVry Evangelical Institute with a degree as a Registered Divinity Assistant. So naturally when co-workers in the White House have questions about God, they come to me.

As you might expect, there were a few questions about Hurricane Katrina that has devastated a big chunk of the South (although my prayers were answered when God did not turn the hurricane toward Texas).

Trisha, my co-intern, wondered why God would punish America when we are fighting in His name against the evil in the Muslim world.

I explained that God did not punish America. He punished New Orleans and Biloxi — two of America's most evil cities. New Orleans is known for its debauchery and drunkedness while Biloxi has moved from Christianity to gambling.

So Trisha wanted to know why God punished so many innocent people, many of whom are good, God-fearing Christians.

I pointed out that you can't do good without collateral damage.

Why would God have collateral damage? Trisha wondered. She pointed out that God can do anything, so why not save innocent people?

My feeling here is that God did not want to embarrass President Bush. Although America is working so hard to create a better Iraq, we still have to inflict collateral damage to get our work done. If God shows that He too can't help but inflict collateral damage, President Bush becomes more in God's image.

Then Trisha wanted to know why God would even send a hurricane in the first place?

Having studied Intelligent Design 101 and received an A+ on my essay, God: What's the point of having power if you don't use it?, I was able to explain that natural disasters are God's way of saying, "Hey folks, don't forget about me."

But why doesn't God just use His power for good things? Trisha wanted to know.

I said that if God only used His power for good things like killing abortion doctors, gay couples and liberal Supreme Court judges, then we Christians would lose our appreciation of the good things He does.

I could tell that Trisha was still having trouble understanding the relationship of a killer hurricane and the benevolence of God. So I said, look to the Bible.

About five or six thousand years ago, God brought a Great Flood upon the earth survived only by Noah, his family and a bunch of animals. Had it not been for the flood, the earth would still have dinosaurs roaming about. Can you imagine the kind of damage those animals would do in downtown Waco or Washington? Can you imagine how much food they would eat leaving a lot less for us humans?

The Great Flood got rid of the dinosaurs so that we Christians could live a better life.

I think Trisha finally got it.


Anonymous Mosquito Coast said...

I've heard that, as a response to this assault on our homeland, President Bush is going to launch a Global War on Weather (GWOW or Gee-Wow). Any truth to this?

4:37 PM  
Blogger orangeroom said...

It would have been nice to have a few dino-burgers though.

4:55 PM  
Blogger G said...

Freakin' hilarious!

9:21 AM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

Very, very funny. I posted something similiar and got a world of crap!

11:22 AM  
Blogger Christine Brannan said...

Well I think that God also saw that GWBs rating was going down and thought that he could use a little boost. So what better than a natural disaster to remind people of His presence and give GWB a chance to shine.

No doubt.. as he said he will be working closely with their folks... I mean their government officials...

I think God also wanted to remind people that a gun is always handy to have. You never know when you will need to shoot looters because a natural disaster happened without warning.

So. He was just supporting his favorite causes .. GWB and NRA.

1:04 PM  

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