Sunday, September 04, 2005

Charity begins at the White House

As you know, it is not the government's role to be helping every Tom, Dick and Harry who finds himself in trouble. (The government helps corporations and industries.)

Still, George W. Bush, our compassionate President, couldn't just stand by and watch those poor folks in New Orleans die because of hunger and dehydration. So within a week, he made sure every man, woman and child had food, a bottle of water and a blanket. Mission Accomplished, I say.

But it doesn't end there. I overheard Laura Bush and the President discussing what more they could personally do to help.
President George and Laura Bush

"George," Laura said. "I've got an idea."

"That sounds dangerous," the President said with a chuckle.

"I'm serious George. We've got that big, old ranch in Crawford sitting empty with all them rooms, each of which could hold a family. And we've got all those acres where evacuees could set up tents and huts for a while."

"Are you nuts?" George exclaimed. "That's the Western White House. I do business there. That's where I clear brush and ride my bicycle."

"George, we're not going to be using the ranch again until Thanksgiving. Doesn't it make sense for us to make a personal sacrifice for those poor wretched folks who are all stuck in the Astrodome?"

"But we've got some good dishes at the Ranch. And that plasma TV, it's brand new. Them New Orleans folks ain't familiar with finer things. They might break something."

"George, the Lord's been good to you. He made you rich even though you'd never done a day's work in your life. He made you popular even though nothing seems to have gone right since you became president. I think the Lord expects you to return the favor by being charitable."

"I suppose I could allow a few of the good ones to stay at the ranch a while, after thorough security checks naturally. And we'll need some monitors there to make sure the silverware doesn't go off for a walk. Hmmmm. How about I ask Condi and Colin if they'd mind living at the ranch for a month or so, just to keep an eye on things."

"George, you've got a good heart."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, do me a favor and ask his highness if he could possibly stop raping our country long enough to do whatever is in his power to stop babies from starving. I mean, if to busy with his vacation plans.

11:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wake up idiot.

11:46 AM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

I'mlibing in FL at the monet, though we're moving ASAP. I've noticed that nothing has been heard from Jeb as of yet.

6:24 PM  
Blogger Christine Brannan said...

Ill bet Jeb thinks hit brother is bonkers. Wonder what it was like growing up together....

7:06 PM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

I can't imagine Barbara was a great mother given that her sons both have a history with Cocaine. Have they started a bake sale to rebuild Trent Lott's house yet?

11:22 AM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

I heard it's supposed to have a really nice porch.

3:38 PM  
Blogger diggall said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:21 PM  
Blogger Christine Brannan said...

Yeah... but he DID lose his WHOLE house....

Our wonderful caring President has already vowed to rebuild it though...

2:12 PM  

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