Charity begins at the White House

As you know, it is not the government's role to be helping every Tom, Dick and Harry who finds himself in trouble. (The government helps corporations and industries.)

Still, George W. Bush, our compassionate President, couldn't just stand by and watch those poor folks in New Orleans die because of hunger and dehydration. So within a week, he made sure every man, woman and child had food, a bottle of water and a blanket. Mission Accomplished, I say.

But it doesn't end there. I overheard Laura Bush and the President discussing what more they could personally do to help.

"George," Laura said. "I've got an idea."

"That sounds dangerous," the President said with a chuckle.

"I'm serious George. We've got that big, old ranch in Crawford sitting empty with all them rooms, each of which could hold a family. And we've got all those acres where evacuees could set up tents and huts for a while."

"Are you nuts?" George exclaimed. "That's the Western White House. I do business there. That's where I clear brush and ride my bicycle."

"George, we're not going to be using the ranch again until Thanksgiving. Doesn't it make sense for us to make a personal sacrifice for those poor wretched folks who are all stuck in the Astrodome?"

"But we've got some good dishes at the Ranch. And that plasma TV, it's brand new. Them New Orleans folks ain't familiar with finer things. They might break something."

"George, the Lord's been good to you. He made you rich even though you'd never done a day's work in your life. He made you popular even though nothing seems to have gone right since you became president. I think the Lord expects you to return the favor by being charitable."

"I suppose I could allow a few of the good ones to stay at the ranch a while, after thorough security checks naturally. And we'll need some monitors there to make sure the silverware doesn't go off for a walk. Hmmmm. How about I ask Condi and Colin if they'd mind living at the ranch for a month or so, just to keep an eye on things."

"George, you've got a good heart."