First Lady, First Dude and First Slut

Folks around the White House have been watching the Republican Convention with a lot of interest. As Vice President Cheney said, "It's as though the speeches were written with pitch forks to see how high they can pile it." I'm not sure what "it" is.

Anyway, whenever anyone said anything interesting, I kept a note of it. Here are a few random samples.

PRESIDENT BUSH: McCain the reformer. What bulls--t! The only thing I know that he ever reformed was his marriage after he came home from Viet Nam. He came home expecting a pretty young wife and what he had was a fat, disabled wife. So he reformed his marriage and got himself a rich trophy wife. Actually, I've seen bowling trophies that seemed less frigid than her.

VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: Why the f--k did McCain choose that no-nothing tw-t from Canada's armpit, Alaska. He dumped his wife for a pretty girl and now he dumps common sense for another pretty girl.

PRESIDENT BUSH: Do you think the Evangelists will put two and two together. I mean, what more sign from God do they need than Governor Palin gives birth to a Down Syndrome baby at exactly the same time that her daughter is screwing around.

VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: I heard someone in the press corps refer to the daughter as the First Slut. I suppose after the shotgun wedding to the statutory rapist, everything will simmer down. I wonder when that boy proposed marriage? I wonder if he even did, the poor schmuck? I'll bet if the McCain ticket doesn't win, there'll be no marriage at all. Just another teenage highschooler with a bastard hanging off her tit.

PRESIDENT BUSH: I wouldn't be surprised if the McCain goes after the base by suggesting that Jesus was a bastard so there's nothing wrong with Palin's grandkid being a bastard. After all, it's no secret that Sarah was in a family way when she married the First Dude.

Anyway, I know everyone at the White House is very supportive of the McCain-Palin ticket.