Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Some very good news from the White House

As you might guess, things have been kind of depressing around the White House lately considering all those traiterous generals who don't know a damn (sorry about the language) thing are suggesting that Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld should resign and the President telling his trusted aides that they ought to consider resigning. And then there's Tom DeLay sacrificing himself for the good of the party. And the other Congressmen and Senators wrongly under investigation just for trying to be nice to that lobbyist who is barely American.

I suppose if I were being paid anything, they might be considering letting me go too.

Despite the depressing talk, Easter was still a joyous occasion around here. I understand that President Bush found the most Easter eggs of anybody in the family.

Antway, now for the really good news.

It seems somebody high up in the administration has been reading my blog and he read the part where I reported that America should take credit for the Civil War in Iraq. It just makes so much sense. After all, the United States had a Civil War and look at us now — big screen high definition TVs, Lexus SUVs and cute little doggie cookies that cost more for a bag than the cost of feeding an African family for a month. If it takes a Civil War to achieve our standard of living, then I say, let's get it started.

I can't believe it but President Bush himself heard of my recommendation and he was intrigued. So he called me into the Oval Office just before his scheduled bike ride.

"You're that intern I like to call Monica, aren't you?" the President asked.

"Yes sir," I replied, "but I'm not very fond of that nickname."

"Don't worry about it Nancy Jo," the President said. "From now on, you've got my respect."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I'm promoting you," the President said. "As you know, my staff are dropping like flies. I'll be lucky if I have a butler left by the end of the month."

"What are you promoting me to?" I asked with a very excited voice.

"Haven't made up my mind yet," he said. "Rummy's doing a heck of a job but if those generals keep stirring things up, I might need a new Secretary of Defense. You got any management skills?"

"I was class treasurer at the DeVry Evangelical Institute," I said making sure to remember to add that to my resume.

"I'd say that kind of experience puts you into the top ten percentile of this administration," the President said. "Anything else that might be helpful to this administration."

"I'm a very devout Christian," I said solemnly.

"That and a quarter will get you two dimes and a nickel. Quite frankly, I'm up to my butt in Christians who can't seem to do anything right and then tell me it's God's will. What else you got Nancy Jo?"

"Does virginity count?" I asked.

"I been a virgin since practically when the twins were born. It ain't all it's cracked up to be," the President said.

"I believe you mean celibate," I suggested.

"I'm not a Catholic," the President stated. "By the way, don't tell Laura I said anything, virginwise."

Then the President said, "Nancy Jo, I like the way you think outside the box. Heh heh, taking credit for the Civil War like we planned it. Great idea. Let me give it some thought. I can see you somewhere in the Cabinet pretty soon."

The President put on his helmet and headed out the back door.


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