Sunday, March 26, 2006

Why President Bush is more popular than John Kennedy

I was feeling a little bit depressed but I'm okay now. The other day I was working here at the White House late. It must have been 5:15. Generally, President Bush prefers a 9 to 5 day but sometimes circumstances just require folks to work a little longer.

Anyway, I was shredding documents for Vice President Cheney when I walked past the Oval Office. The door was slightly ajar and I could hear what I thought was sniffling coming from inside the office. Since it was after 5 o'clock, I was pretty sure it couldn't be President Bush. But in fact, when I peaked past the open door, it was President Bush weeping on the shoulder of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

"I jest don't understand," President Bush said tearily. "How can I be less popular than that pervert Bill Clinton? It don't make no sense." He wiped his nose on Ms. Rice's sleeve.

"There's no accounting for popularity, Mr. President," Ms. Rice said. "Look how long Will & Grace has been on TV."

"Don't tell nobody," President Bush said looking up from her shoulder, "but I kinda like that program."

Then the President went on. "I can understand Democrats not liking me on account of I got God on my side and He's a mighty powerful voter. But now, I'm losing respect from Republicans, folks who used to worship the saddles I sat on. How could things turn around so quickly?"

"It hasn't been so quick," Ms. Rice pointed out. "You've been in power five years. That's way more than your Daddy. It's way more than John Kennedy."

"But he was assassinated," the President said.

"Now that's what you call unpopular," Ms. Rice said.

"Yeah," the President said starting to feel a little better. "I guess getting assassinated is the ultimate in unpopularity polls. Heck, even Ronald Reagan had an attempt."

The President stood up and started walking around the Oval Office. "Maybe I ain't so unpopular after all."

"Absolutely," Ms. Rice said. "I bet you could walk through downtown Dallas any time you like without getting shot. Just don't go hunting with Dick."

The President giggled. "You always know how to make me feel better. Well, I guess I better get over to the residence. Judge Judy will be on soon."

I headed over to the shredder.


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