Exciting sightings around D.C.

While I was walking toward the bus stop, I spotted Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice entering a hair salon. Until that moment, it never occurred to me that anyone actually styled her hair. (Daddy always says her name sounds like an Eye-talian renting an apartment.)

This afternoon in the White House cafeteria, I walked past Donald Rumsfeld. He seemed to be reading the Careers section of the newspaper.

The other day, I saw a crowd of people gathered at a street corner. When I got there, it turned out that Ann Coulter had accidently slipped through a sewer grate up to her butt and was stuck. She continues to be my slimness idol. Every time I see her, I always think how little is there.

I'm probably mistaken about this one but I could have sworn I saw Dick Cheney biting a pit bull.

Before I left for Washington, my little brother Rick Bob who suffers from retardation told me to keep my eyes open for terrorists. Rick Bob's heart is in the right place but unfortunately his mind is a little off kilter. Under George Bush's watchful eye, there's as much chance of a terrorist getting into Washington as there is...a Republican government running a deficit.