Friday, January 14, 2005

President Bush...Here I come!

Just think, a few short months ago I was studying at the DeVry Evangelical Institute in Waco, Texas and I suppose it was the hand of God that made me write to President Bush asking for a job. I just couldn't believe I got a response with a beautiful machine generated signature saying my application had been accepted. The PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES had accepted me for a job as an intern. And you know what? It didn't hurt that I happened to mention that I've got a cousin whose married to one of Ken Lay's kids. Small world. But in the end, I'm sure I got the job on merit, unlike some. I know, ever since Monica Jewinsky, the word "intern" can't be said without sniggers. But I believe I'm going to bring all new dignity to the post.

I've been packing for the last two weeks. Last month, Daddy came up with me to Washington to help me find a place in a good neighborhood, an apartment with good Christian values. He's afraid that Washington talks Christian but when it comes to doing Christian, Washington may be a challenge to my virtue. But I say, if I'm good in Waco, I'll be good in Heaven and I'll still be good in Heck, if there ever was a chance that's where I might end up, which there isn't. Like I said, I'm packing but I've never packed to leave home before so I just don't know what to take. Will I be going to a lot of balls? How many ball gowns will I need? In the guide the White House people sent, there's no section on balls. To be safe, I'm packing four formal gowns.

Rick Bob, my little brother, just dropped by my bedroom to say how much he'll miss me. What a wonderful brother. I know God does everything for a reason. I know I shouldn't question the Lord's mysterious workings. Still, why did God have to make Rick Bob retarded? He has so much trouble understanding the simplest things. How many times have I explained to him that on September 11, 2001, God used Muslim terrorist to attack the World Trade Center as punishment to New York for housing liberals, gays and other assorted sinners. It was for this reason we had to attack Iraq because Saddam was working with the terrorists who God sent. Can it be any clearer?

Anyway, I'm leaving for Washington in the morning. I'm so excited.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

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5:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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4:49 PM  
Blogger Feanor said...

What an awesome piece of satire.
- F

4:50 PM  
Blogger Tom Villars said...

It would have been much funnier if you hadn't been so obvious in your very first post, but I guess you suffer from pre-mature jokeitist, lol.

9:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not only is your brother retarded but I think you are too for your reason for why Sep. 11 occurred and for the reason why we retaliated. Just what we need, another nut in the white house.

9:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God loves everyone even those that are homosexual

1:25 PM  

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