As you probably heard, the godless Democrats have assumed power in Congress. That's a shame because according to President Bush's plan, we were only weeks away from victory in Iraq. Now with the Democrats meddling in everything President Bush wants to accomplish, it's likely that the Iraqi situation will go on for a lot longer. Around the White House, they're already calling it the "Democrats' War."
It's so difficult to believe that so many Americans turned on the Republican Party and just when we were set to put an end to abortions, same-sex marriage and stem cell research. America was within inches of Paradise and now it's slipped away.
Anyway, as you can imagine, it's a pretty sad day around the White House. I've been taking notes, so here are a few observations.
It's proper protocol for the President to call and congratulate the new Speaker of the House.
CHENEY: Are you calling the f--king c--t Pelosi?
BUSH: It's the right thing to do.
CHENEY: Tell her I'd like to take her f--king ass hunting.
I thought that was a very nice gesture on the part of the Vice President, even if the language was a bit salty.
Later the President spoke to Karl Rove.
BUSH: So what happened Turd Blossom?
ROVE: Those Democrats used an awful lot of dirty tricks against our people.
BUSH: Like what?
ROVE: Those Democrats kept talking about Republicans.
BUSH: I guess we didn't stand a chance.
Then Donald Rumsfeld showed up to resign.
BUSH: So I hear you're quitting Rummy.
RUMSFELD: That's right, Mr. President.
BUSH: Cuttin' and runnin'.
RUMSFELD: You bet.
Later on, the President received some strange news in the form of a wedding invitation. It seems Mark Foley and Ted Haggard are getting ready to marry. The Reverend Haggard was wondering if the President would give him away.